Few good jokes/ oneliners

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Having problems with your math? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, dazzling smile .... but that is enough about me, now tell me about you?

What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium?

HeHe.




Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out "We got him!"

I am busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?


All the desireable things in life are... either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.