On sexually falling sannyasis and why I left hare krsna

I was involved with Hare Krishna for about 8 years and then finally I left and the reason: "Sexual fall of Sannyasis". Well! I would have thought nothing about it -after all I have myself not been too successful in controlling my own sexual urges - but more compelling reason was that my teacher always said "An authority is never wrong". A clear contradiction. Am I to believe that sexual misdemeanors on part of Sannyasis were correct. I challenge anyone to reconcile the two statements (though truly speaking perhaps I will not even read whatever jargon anyone uses to reconcile the two, It would be utterly fallacious sophistry, full of jargon, full of all kinds of logical fallacies such as ad hominems, appeal to emotions , appeal to force etc... and quotations from sastras twisted around to prove one's own point ). While I don't doubt the character of Romapada Swami or my own teacher in the matters of carnal weaknesses, but I just can't live with untenable premises and a pseudo logic in my head. Not only this; had I continued with hare krishna there would have been a ban on me for even raising these questions (actually there was a ban on my questions because they were pointed and many of my pointed questions were answered through an assault (on my character/disobedience) rather than a logic.) and I would be expected to be duplicitous : proclaiming that which I know in my heart to be not true to the new joinees (or else keep mum- aswatthaamaa hato....).

I feel that controlling sexual urges is very difficult so the sannyasis who accept the vows of celibacy are per se doing a work of courage, but selling them as absolute - "An authority who is never wrong"- I challenge anyone to defend it. I am not against hare krishna philosophy of devotion per se, but I get a sickly feeling thinking about the amount of politics that has crept in the organization. Devotees have to be coached when some sannyasi is visiting ( don't be natural, don't reveal your heart to such and such devotee, ask questions to sum up -"be artificial") and then criticisms of the devotees behind their backs. Criticizing the very people who are invited to the vyasaasana with formal respect and then their character assasination (of absolute people [sic]) Discriminations between the white and the indian devotees, the guest group and the host group of devotees. Losing individualism to a group psychology.

I left hare krishna because I believe in simplicity. Hare krishna talks about simplicity all the time but made my life more complex. I had trouble maintaining celibacy and the only person to whom I could reveal was my own teacher. I was supposed to digest the respect offered to me by new devotees without letting them know that I don't deserve this respect for my sexual misdemeanor.

It was a world of political truths where many a times an assault was substituted for an argument. I was cut off from all kinds of intellectual inputs, and I was becoming an exclusivist. (Everything except Hare Krishna is bogus or inferior, including other vaishnava sects, with the esoteric and unrealisable reason their being not able to appreciate the madhurya rasa........ as if majority of the hare krishna devotees are enjoying madhurya rasa. I wonder if anyone is in madhurya , what appeared to me prima facie was that almost everyone was in dasya sort of thing and yet glorifying the greatness of madhurya without realizing it. One may say anything but I feel that this is duplicity. Citing a logic which is not coming from heart is just a political truth (if at all truth). Not simplicity. Definitely not simplicity.

I have seen devotees going through all kinds of complexities ( including the suicidal thoughts) , I myself had contemplated suicide a number of times but I thank God that I didn't actually commit suicide. Leading a duplicitous life can be depressing, but I think it is inevitable for any organized religeon emphasizing celibacy and yet expecting a proclaimed commitment and glorification from its followers. And that's why I believe that why so many ordained monks in all kinds of traditions (hare krishna, christianity, buddhism, siddha yoga just to begin the list) are forced in to dishonesty. How can you proclaim after having the respect from a large following that you have carnal weaknesses., that you are into masturbation, sexual relations with women and pornography.

I definitely feel that exclusivism is the cause of all evil. After having left hare krsna I have read a number of philosophers, chiefly Ayn Rand, Hermann Hesse, Thoreau, Buddha,James Redfield, Thanissaro Bhikkhu, S.N. Goenka and a number of success, spiritual and prosperity classics and I feel that each one of them has left me spiritually more enriched (Whereas earlier I was forbidden to read any thing apart from academics and the Hare Krishna literature- no internet and no "Mundane" books, while I have myself seen Srila Romapada Svami himself reading from daniel goleman and ramakrishna mission books, some examples and touching stories were taken from the christian cultures and yet it was said "Jesus Christ was not even an ant before Prabhupada" by my teacher. What kind of simile is that ? - A freudian slip? After so much professed respect for Jesus christ , I am sure we can come up with a better simile. I was even forbidden to hear any music which resonated with my soul (except the ISKCON music) and there also there were recommendations). My recommendation to anyone who wishes to follow any spiritual path is that choose a guru if you want to but don't be an exclusivist even if the guru asks you to be one. Each master has his own area of expertise and different gurus and authors may have different areas of expertise. See them as such. Don't believe in gurus who are mainly interested in debunking the other schools of thought. I feel that debunking the other teachers has nothing to do with spiritual enlightenment (and perhaps it reflects some kind of insecurity, lack of confidence in one's own school or inferiority/superiority complex. If at all you think you have a sound refutation , why not challenge somebody knowledgeable from other schools to an open debate -that would be more courageous act than repeatedly hammering in those refutations in one's own naive followers who any way accept you as a perfect authority).

It is not the "absolute truth" that will give you the peace but it will be "your truth" , the consistency between your beliefs and your actions that will give you the peace. Your beliefs need not be constant , and infact they will change with time. It is a trial and error process. You do something and see if it works out you continue and if it doesn't you leave it. This way you gradually develop more and more habits that work out to make you happier on your evolutionary journey. (" by the way this is also supported by vardhaman mahavira (Jain School) the philosophy being called anekantavada, : Many subjective and valid spiritual truths may be possible depending on the kind of sadhana one undertakes")

My purpose in writing this is not to hurt my teacher or any devotee but it is to "State my truth" and perhaps help some people who resonate with my kind of minds. (Though I don't want any correspondence with anyone in this matter)

One day I had been reading the journal of Satsvarupa Maharaj Gosvami who acknowledges that he fell from grace and infact after reading that my respect for him has rather increased. It gave me a lot of peace of mind. He doesn't pretend to be absolute (like many others in ISKCON would have me believe). This is simplicity and I believe that Satsvarupa Maharaja is some kind of an ideal for me. Not because he fell from grace but because he had the courage to write it in his open journal. That is the way of a peaceful warrior. One who is fighting one's base instincts and yet not claiming to be a high Godman.

I also like Romapada Svami for his website, reflections and instructions yet I have no desire to become a formal disciple (With all due respect and humility)- ( Nor am I qualified breaking the regulative principles except for the no meat eating)- I will perhaps never again in life be an official part of any organized religeon), yet I pray to God that I shall always remain a peaceful warrior - a stoic- against my own base intincts.

Om!


(P.S. www.gigapedia.org has a nice book about evolution and history of the hare krsna movement, it is a good read for any one desiring a realisitic and mature outlook on the movement the book is titled: Hare Krishna : post charismatic fate
you will have to register to download)

why i left hare krishna
why i left krsna consciousness
why i left iskcon