Facebooking (How I am.)

I recently started my account on the facebook, and I am happy to be connected to my students and my old batchmates from school and college.

A number of students have been asking me that How I am (In particular students from KPS), Well
for them...

I am fine , but I remember and miss you all. Now I am not at KPS, I am teaching at Kalu Sarai Centre and working as a professor and faculty training coordinator. I will also be heading the FIITJEE Univquest Program (FIITJEE Classroom program (Pinnacle type) targeted at admissions in US universities). I hope you all are enjoying your University studies (Or may be everything at university apart from studies ;-)). My advice to all my students:

1. Do reasonably well in academics
2. Try to develop your personality ( Particularly communication/ Public speaking/ Reading and pursuing your hobbies would help, I would highly recommend joining a toastmasters club if available in your city).
3. While it is alright to indulge yourself at times, but never become a slave to indulgence (Particularly avoid shady circles like drugs... and "you know what" ! :-)

-Wishing you Growth , Prosperity , Excellence, Hope, Happiness,Enthusiasm, Tranquility, Health and Success
Your Loving teacher,

-Ambarish

Truth Vs Sincerity

I came across a statement from one of the ISKCON devotees on the internet
"Validity of ISKCON is proved by sincerity of its devotees".

I think this is a great logical fallacy of confusing between truth and sincerity.

That way you can be sincere and proclaim any falsehood to be the truth. A bogus argument out and out, though very tempting.

Consequences of this argument:

You come across a sincere christian-----------> Christianity is valid
You come across a sincere Muslim-----------> Islam is valid
You come across a sincere Jew-----------> Judaism is valid
You come across a sincere Atheist-----------> Atheism is valid
You come across a sincere stoic-----------> Stoicism is valid

......... Reductio Absurdum....QED.
Absurd!
Remember to weigh truth on truth scale and sincerity on sincerity scale.
(Or for that matter qualities on the quality scale)
Don't hoodwink yourself and your intellect.

All the best.

A letter from my ex student/ And my response ( Agony of a sincere student with scientific temperament, Studying from below average/average professors)

Here is a letter I received from one of my students studying in a reputed NIT (India) [ It touched my heart and brought back the memories of college days]

Context: He was a sincere student during preparation for IIT JEE and He has read some of the Ayn Rand’s works. I asked him how he’s doing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah I'm good, still sleeping during the classes getting thrown out of the class by professors and making drafting 'engineering drawings' in freehand.... Gotta tell you they have really warned me that they'd give me an straight FF for such an attitude. Ha!

Well, its fine if you couldn't reply to the previous mail. You must have been busy, i can understand. Priorities should always come over obligations.
Well, i just went through your blog and i've quoted these following lines from it -

"Citing a logic which is not coming from heart is just a political truth (if at all truth)."
"It is not the "absolute truth" that will give you the peace but it will be "your truth" , the consistency between your beliefs and your actions that will give you the peace."

i must say !
Sir, i am going through some kind of a 'psychological turmoil' (well, that's just a euphemism for what i feel. I've actually gone mad) You might think i'm over-reacting or something but to tell you the truth I just want to quit from in here.
I mean, things here are being taught (though, 'taught' isn't the right word for it) in quite a way, i've never learned about things in my whole life.

Last week we had a lecture on 'BASIC THERMODYNAMICS' and the prof started with second law of thermodynamics for the first time by saying, " 2nd law of thermodynamics says that entropy of the universe always tends to increase during a process."..." And entropy is
'randomness'. for example, a broken egg has greater entropy than an 'unbroken' one" and then he started writing some formulae given in a stupid indian textbook concerning entropy and 2nd law. nothing more was discussed.......................... I FELT LIKE PUKING ON HIS
FACE. I was so pissed off. I mean , is this how you start a topic as interesting as 'second law of thermodynamics' ,which probably has one the most interesting scientific history behind it from CLAUSSIUS' statement to MAXWELL's demon.
I wished to give him a hard time so i asked the most basic question.. "excuse me sir, WHAT is 'entropy'?" "I've told you right, its randomness"
"no sir, i mean what exactly is "entropy" in technical terms, not the layman idea of it. And how does the mathematical formula ( dS=dQ/T ) represent the idea of randomness of a system?"

He sure had a very hard time, cuz i won't budge, especially when i'm pissed. i just won't budge. By those looks i'm sure, like other profs, he couldn't hate me more. But hate me for what? For asking questions? For not complying to the submissive nature of sitting "sincerely" in
the class and like 99% of the class raising no doubts and eliminating uncertainities. The very idea of scientific investigation is gone, sir.

I have innumerous examples of profs making us rote 'how things work' (that too wrong many a times) and students are so much into the system, they can dance naked on the beach for a single higher grade. What happened to the curiosity, to the desire, to the courage, to the
integrity of arguing, analysing , appreciating the beautiful ways of behaviour of things around us and by the ingenuity of human brain synthesizing that behaviour into things which can , in the most simple and economical way, revolutionize human life?
THAT is "engineering", right? Could there be any possible alternative definition of it which would
prove me wrong and yet be completely right? I'm a complete waste here. i still find time in solace to go through 'RESNICK HALLIDAY' and 'FEYNMAN LECTURES' which had initiated this
spark of interest for physics in me, to go through mathematics of function and vector calculus which describe the ways of nature in the most precise way. But all this for what? For loosing touch with whatever is going on in the class and being a complete disgrace in
there, with my fellowmates mocking me when i'm being sent out of the class. 'Complete loser', they say. I recently initiated and formed a team of 5 members for making an i/c
engine car. 3 guys out of the other four unanimously voted and threw me out of the team when i had spent like a whole month collecting all the possible resources for it, justifying their decision by saying that i am 'MAD' and my attitude isn't right for the proper functioning
of the team. This whole system is so dark, i literally cry at times for such a mess
i've put myself into. And i don't have a choice. After putting so much of my parents' time,
money and effort, and sparking their hopes from me of being a successful engineer, i just can't back-off and get myself out of the college.

I don't know why i am sharing it with you, cuz i have no reason to do so and probably you'd feel awfully guilty of wasting your time reading all this, but let me tell you that just by writing this mail to you, i've expressed my deepest, consciously hidden emotions and i now, i
know what is that i feel, that i've felt all these days. It will be alright, even if u feel like not replying to this mail, cuz i just wanted to express my self and by writing this mail i've done
so. Couldn't share it with my family for obvious reasons; i'm a loner here, i don't have much of friends and any of them won't understand.
Thank you Sir.

"And I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith in who I am."

My Response:

.

.

.

Hi *********!

I would have replied to your mail earlier but I don't know why, for some reason, it did not land in my gmail inbox. But it got directed to my yahoo id. (Strange!).

I can understand what you are going through. The world is full of Peter Keatings, Elseworth tooheys(Even the tech world of so called brainy people) and the Howard Roark's and Hank Reardens temporarily Suffer. But believe me , in the end they come out victorious. I am glad that you are studying Feynman and Vector Calculus. Infact, I have also picked up Advanced Engineering Mathematics once again ( I am trying to solve Kreyszig again :-)).

So Now you are in a position to understand , why I didn't enjoy engineering. Boring Profs (By and Large, Though some of them are really interesting) , Boring Presentations .... Moreover, I personally didn't like engineering philosophy itself.... using same principles (formulae / procedures ) over and over again to produce variations of the same thing rather than something fundamental.

Btw Try reading about Grigori Perelman on Wiki, you will get inspired. (A real person like Roark)

On the practical side, I would recommend to you to do reasonably well in academics and at the same time, not to give up your passion for physics and advanced mathematics. (In this world , to patronize yourself you may have to choose a profession which you might not necessarily like, but then if it gives you a fair amount of time to pursue what you really like, it is fine!).
I see you as a passionate boy destined for success. After going through this torture I believe you will come out as a philosophically mature man- Ready to face life at your own terms, with your algorithms and your operating system, your processor.... ;-).

I wish you all the best,

- Proud to be your teacher

Ambarish
P.S. Reply back at Ambarish[dot]Srivastava[at]fiitjee.com

On Kapil Sibal's 80% marks in Boards requirement for Entry to IITs

Today I came across the newspaper and I was surprised to see the requirement of 80% marks in the board examinations for entry in to IITs. Even more shocking was the fact that Kapil Sibal wants to discourage coaching.
Just wondered , How about discouraging education itself? What could be the driving force behind discouraging coaching?It is just another form of education.

Before meddling with the IIT JEE system, I would like the Government of India or any of the Government officials to ponder over the following points:

1. IIT JEE is meant for producing world class engineers. To produce world class engineers you would need world class brains. To identify world class brains you must have a testing procedure which sieves out the world class from the mediocre. This can't be done through boards. ( Imagine distinguishing between Einstein and a layman through a sum like 2+2=?)

2. The syllabus for IIT-JEE is practically same as that for the boards, yet instead of studying from the school teachers the students prefer to go to coachings. Ever wondered why? The answer may be bitter, shocking and rude to some people, yet it is absolutely true "Most of the school teachers are not competent to Handle IIT JEE questions"

3. Considering points 1 and 2, doesn't an argument against coaching tantamount to argument against quality education? An Argument in favor of mediocrity?

4. For those who wish to argue "Coaching is stressful", I would pose a counter question, "Is studying for engineering easy?". Even after 4 years of studying Engineering Mathematics at IIT Delhi , I still feel that it is not really that easy (Infact I am studying it once again!). If one thinks getting 80% in boards is a sufficient requirement to get in to IITs , try handing over any Advanced engineering mathematics books to all the students who score more than 80% (Including English! ...UP Boards!?!.. ;-)) and one of the two things will happen : (a) you already know (b) you are in for a surprise.

5. Isn't teaching in an engineering college also a form of coaching. Why not remove all the professors and leave the students alone with their text books? Let's try and experiment!

6. India is not the only country with competitive exams and coaching, Coaching exists in all major developed countries ... Hongkong (HKCEE), Russia (Moscow Tech. Entrance and several other university entrance examinations), USA (SAT, AP physics ...), UK (Cambridge physics), China(National Higher Education Entrance Examination), etc...You can research more and you will find more.

7. A good curriculum (Such as that required for IIT JEE ) leads to good brains. (Think of Russia, Ever wondered why the best problems books in physics (perhaps also in mathematics) are all by Russian authors (Irodov, Krotov, Bukhotsev, Shalnov, Savelyev,Pinsky ..Just to name a few), No other country has produced as many good problems in physics). Ever wondered about the reasons for Russia's (USSR) performance in Olympiads?

8. Great masters of mathematics and physics such as Euler, Lagrange, Hamilton, Bernoulli, Newton, Richard Feynman.... were both in the the "sinful" [sic] relationship of coach and pupil. "Unfortunately" Kapil Sibal was not there to curb their relationships.

9. I as a physics coach get the same feeling of joy in coaching my students as perhaps the great masters mentioned in point 6. (This is not to compare myself with them, Infact I rever them and I don't even have a fraction of their knowledge). I wonder who in the world should have a right to kill the source of my joy-my teaching to my pupils- and who in the world should have a right to kill the source of joy among my pupils - My teaching to my pupils ...

P.S. This article may be quoted as it is so long as there are no legal repercussions.
Disclaimer : I have written this with the understanding that it is fine under the right to "Freedom of Speech". In case anyone feels it to be unconstitutional or illegal, please report it to me and I might consider recalling it.

***End of My Post***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is some further food for thought from someone whom I respect (Name will be given later after taking permission from Him)

LET US ANALYSE THE IIT POSITIONING FUNDAMENTALLY. WHAT IS IT IITs HAVE BEEN ACHIEVING OR ARE PURPORTED TO BE ACHIEVING.

• have an admission process to admit the brightest. bright from the point of view of being an excellent technocrat.
• IIT graduates will create higher level of productivity in the indian industry thus contributing to the ntion.
• IIT graduates have been going abroad and excelling in studies as well as in teaching & industry, thus bringing laurels to the country. their performance has created lot of interest in INDIA in the minds of WORLD BANK, INTERNATIONAL FINANCE CORPORATION, VARIOUS FOREIGN INSTITUTIONAL INVESTORS resulting in huge investments in India.

THE PROBLEMS IITs ARE FACING

· lack of faculty. IITs have a severe shortage of teaching staff. they are not just able to attract the right talent.

· IITs have no system for grooming teaching faculty or any staff.

· IIT faculty have not been able to earn as well as their students and feel frustrated. they are right, they deserve a much better salary.

· govt is not increasing the GRANTs and hence IITs are lagging behind the leading universities and colleges. IITs rank far behind in the world ranking . we can conclude that IIT graduates are doing much better than how IITs have been performing on a world level.

· SC / STs etc admitted to IITs do not undergo a transformation needed to represent the IIT brand. IITs have no system to achieve that. such students lower the IIT image in the international arena in general though exceptions are there.

· unlike the leading colleges and univs in the world IIT faculty get fewer opportunity to do industry relevant research and consultancy work.

the GOVT has done nothing to help IITs improve. my opinion is that excellence of IITs is not a success of the govt or the IIT system but is an expression of indian talent.

besides, the govt has hardly done anything to enable students from backward areas, villages to have good education so that even they can compete in the IITs.

NOW LET US ANALYSE THE PRESENT INITIATIVE OF MAKING THE 80% MARKS AS THE ELIGIBILITY FOR IIT-JEE BY THE MINISTER. BESIDES, THE MINISTER ALSO WISHES TO GIVE WEIGHTAGE TO BOARD MARKS FOR ADMISSION IN IITs.

• 80% marks will become restrictive for students from rural and backward areas.
• different boards have different patterns and therefore different boards have different scoring potential. BIHAR,MP,UP are just a few examples where scoring 80% + is much more difficult than CBSE.
• most boards may dilute their papers so that most of their students can score above 80%.
• the boards test something different from what IIT-JEE stands to test. giving weightage to board marks will defeat the purpose that IIT-JEE wishes to achieve.

MINISTER ALSO WISHES TO REIN IN TEACHING SHOPS / COACHING INSTITUTION. IS THIS THE CORRECT APPROACH ?

• coaching emerges from the need to excel relative to others. irrespective of anything coaching will continue to increase for all classes especially till XII & entrance exams.
• coaching is as much there even in the USA & EUROPE for all classes beginning with early childhood. there is huge coaching even for SAT-1,SAT2, TOEFL all over the world.
• maximum money spent on coaching in INDIA is for supplementing the regular school education rather than competitive exams.
• school teachers are more concerned about tuitions rather than teaching in the school. even in best schools , their board toppers do tuitions.
• solution to improve weak schooling is to improve teaching standards in school.

Steps to generate a word list from a text, Learn a foreign language to study a particular book

1. Copy and paste the text in a word documents
2. Convert to capital type
3. Remove all hyphens (and numbers using wild cards, sort alphabetically and remove all initial useless words)
4. Replace all tabs (^t) by a space
5. Remove all special characters (. , ; : ? and anything else _ !)
6. Use this special procedure in replace all (Make sure you have enabled wild cards using the more option in replace) , type in find (*^13)(\1)@ and \1 in replace with.
7. Copy the generated list in google translate
8. Copy the generated list in one column in excel and the translated list in the another column
9. This list can also be used to create flash cards for abbyy lingvo (modify one of the existing lists to use your words, export one existing list)
10. Develop vocab using abbyy lingvo

Copied from private blog (my misson and strengths)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mission Statement Steps B and C

1. I express my love of learning by learning various softwares, reading books and solving questions
2. I express my curiosity and interest in the world by asking questions from individuals, browsing and reading a lot of books
3. I express my creativity in making presentations and finding innovative ways to simplify my job or amplify its scope
4. I express my appreciation of beauty by listening to good music, going out in nature and mentally appreciating artistic traits in others.
5. I express my hope optimism and future mindedness by planning visualizing my future, thinking about the gadgets that I'll own and the money I'll have in my bank account.


Steps C (Goals)

1. Reach a weight of 69 kg
2. Reach a feedback of 92%
3. Prepare Ascent Seminar and material to rehearse it
4. Develop a good Rapport with major centre heads by gifting them a book
5. Buy Fujitsu Stylistic and WACOM Bamboo and learn to use it with mathematica for document creation

6. Achieve a CTC salary of 30,00000 by August 11,2010

My Mission Statement

My purpose is to express my love of learning, curiosity and interest in the world, hope, optimism and future mindedness by learning softwares (Mathematica, Photoshop, VB.net), reading books, solving numerous physics questions, asking questions from successful people, browsing, planning and visualizing my future, thinking about the gadgets I own and the money I'll have in my bank account and reach a weight of 69 kg, reach a feedback of 92% and buying fujitsu stylistic and WACOM bamboo to use it with Mathematica and atleast a salary of 30,00000 CTC by August 11, 2010.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Office Pc

I am longing to teach for olympiads and understand deeper physics. I need to solve everything beginnning with Abhay Kumar Singh.



I also wish to solve entire Krotov, Irodov, Abhay Kumar Singh etc ... one book at a time. (I will have to learn mathematica efficiently, including programming. That will help me solve abhay kumar singh quickly. I have also been considering buying WACOM bamboo and Kindle DX.

Do I feel satisfied with my Job? I think yes and no. It is fairly cool. I don't have to prepare much but then I feel bad about having dull students and taking them through the syllabus at a zooming speed. How can it become more satisfying? I think a notebook PC is the answer. By next year I believe that kindle will come with 8GB memory. The main problem with laptop is that thinking is difficult because Drawing figures is difficult.

I also need to learn photoshop and onenote. And also windows journal inorder to be ready for the use of TABlet PC. I would feel really cool. I can carry my kindle to my classrooms. I can store all my lecture plans on it so that I will never have to prepare anything for any lecture and I would then like to excel in higher physics. (I need to understand the entire feynman lectures, Curl Div Grad, Jackson and Griffiths, and Goldstein to begin with). I will also have to learn to convert DJVU to pdf files.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Office PC

Day before yesterday, i.e. on sunday I got my appraisal letter. I might get 1 lac 37 thousand rupees per month. I am very happy because out of my peer group I have been given the best appraisal . I got a little less for teaching but I got 2.5 lac for the seminars which is about 15% of my gross. I can really help FIITJEE in that direction. Next year I plan to reach a basic of atleast *****

Learning is my strength and I plan to get started in to SAT II , Vocabulary and Olympiads. Among the lecture plans , I need to work on thermodynamics,WPE, COM , RM and EMI and AC. After that other topics would be fairly easy to make as most of them are already there in my tutorial sheets. After that I need to make my lecture plans for olympiads.

For this I will choose questions from Krotov, Irodov,Arihant, Abhay Kumar Singh, Peter Gnadig, Krane, US university problem book and Abhay kumar singh. I will make topic wise sheets , according to the olympiad syllabus.
I will also help *** with making the presentation for the Ascent batches (Science of success). I will need to sit with the admissions people for making the presentation.

I will also maintain highest standards in teaching my batches. Conducting quizzes and distributing cpps.

I will put my mission statement on my bathroom mirror and work in the spirit of brian tracy. I am really charged up and I really wish to become the highest paid employee in ****

Thursday, July 23, 2009

My Strengths

Took a Strengths test seligman: Here are my strengths

VIA Signature Strengths

Here are your scores on the VIA Signature Strengths Survey. For how to interpret and use your scores, see the book Authentic Happiness. The ranking of the strengths reflects your overall ratings of yourself on the 24 strengths in the survey, how much of each strength you possess. Your top five, especially those marked as Signature Strengths, are the ones to pay attention to and find ways to use more often.

Your Top Strength

Love of learning You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Second Strength

Curiosity and interest in the world You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

Your Third Strength

Creativity, ingenuity, and originality Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

Your Fourth Strength

Appreciation of beauty and excellence You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Your Fifth Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Strength#6

Caution, prudence, and discretion You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Strength#7

Perspective (wisdom) Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

Strength#8

Bravery and valor You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Strength#9

Zest, enthusiasm, and energy Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

Strength#10

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Strength#11

Humor and playfulness You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Strength#12

Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Strength#13

Self-control and self-regulation You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

Strength#14

Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

Strength#15

Capacity to love and be loved You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.

Strength#16

Fairness, equity, and justice Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Strength#17

Forgiveness and mercy You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Strength#18

Gratitude You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

Strength#19

Industry, diligence, and perseverance You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Strength#20

Leadership You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

Strength#21

Social intelligence You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.

Strength#22

Kindness and generosity You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

Strength#23

Modesty and humility You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.

Strength#24

Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

On sexually falling sannyasis and why I left hare krsna

I was involved with Hare Krishna for about 8 years and then finally I left and the reason: "Sexual fall of Sannyasis". Well! I would have thought nothing about it -after all I have myself not been too successful in controlling my own sexual urges - but more compelling reason was that my teacher always said "An authority is never wrong". A clear contradiction. Am I to believe that sexual misdemeanors on part of Sannyasis were correct. I challenge anyone to reconcile the two statements (though truly speaking perhaps I will not even read whatever jargon anyone uses to reconcile the two, It would be utterly fallacious sophistry, full of jargon, full of all kinds of logical fallacies such as ad hominems, appeal to emotions , appeal to force etc... and quotations from sastras twisted around to prove one's own point ). While I don't doubt the character of Romapada Swami or my own teacher in the matters of carnal weaknesses, but I just can't live with untenable premises and a pseudo logic in my head. Not only this; had I continued with hare krishna there would have been a ban on me for even raising these questions (actually there was a ban on my questions because they were pointed and many of my pointed questions were answered through an assault (on my character/disobedience) rather than a logic.) and I would be expected to be duplicitous : proclaiming that which I know in my heart to be not true to the new joinees (or else keep mum- aswatthaamaa hato....).

I feel that controlling sexual urges is very difficult so the sannyasis who accept the vows of celibacy are per se doing a work of courage, but selling them as absolute - "An authority who is never wrong"- I challenge anyone to defend it. I am not against hare krishna philosophy of devotion per se, but I get a sickly feeling thinking about the amount of politics that has crept in the organization. Devotees have to be coached when some sannyasi is visiting ( don't be natural, don't reveal your heart to such and such devotee, ask questions to sum up -"be artificial") and then criticisms of the devotees behind their backs. Criticizing the very people who are invited to the vyasaasana with formal respect and then their character assasination (of absolute people [sic]) Discriminations between the white and the indian devotees, the guest group and the host group of devotees. Losing individualism to a group psychology.

I left hare krishna because I believe in simplicity. Hare krishna talks about simplicity all the time but made my life more complex. I had trouble maintaining celibacy and the only person to whom I could reveal was my own teacher. I was supposed to digest the respect offered to me by new devotees without letting them know that I don't deserve this respect for my sexual misdemeanor.

It was a world of political truths where many a times an assault was substituted for an argument. I was cut off from all kinds of intellectual inputs, and I was becoming an exclusivist. (Everything except Hare Krishna is bogus or inferior, including other vaishnava sects, with the esoteric and unrealisable reason their being not able to appreciate the madhurya rasa........ as if majority of the hare krishna devotees are enjoying madhurya rasa. I wonder if anyone is in madhurya , what appeared to me prima facie was that almost everyone was in dasya sort of thing and yet glorifying the greatness of madhurya without realizing it. One may say anything but I feel that this is duplicity. Citing a logic which is not coming from heart is just a political truth (if at all truth). Not simplicity. Definitely not simplicity.

I have seen devotees going through all kinds of complexities ( including the suicidal thoughts) , I myself had contemplated suicide a number of times but I thank God that I didn't actually commit suicide. Leading a duplicitous life can be depressing, but I think it is inevitable for any organized religeon emphasizing celibacy and yet expecting a proclaimed commitment and glorification from its followers. And that's why I believe that why so many ordained monks in all kinds of traditions (hare krishna, christianity, buddhism, siddha yoga just to begin the list) are forced in to dishonesty. How can you proclaim after having the respect from a large following that you have carnal weaknesses., that you are into masturbation, sexual relations with women and pornography.

I definitely feel that exclusivism is the cause of all evil. After having left hare krsna I have read a number of philosophers, chiefly Ayn Rand, Hermann Hesse, Thoreau, Buddha,James Redfield, Thanissaro Bhikkhu, S.N. Goenka and a number of success, spiritual and prosperity classics and I feel that each one of them has left me spiritually more enriched (Whereas earlier I was forbidden to read any thing apart from academics and the Hare Krishna literature- no internet and no "Mundane" books, while I have myself seen Srila Romapada Svami himself reading from daniel goleman and ramakrishna mission books, some examples and touching stories were taken from the christian cultures and yet it was said "Jesus Christ was not even an ant before Prabhupada" by my teacher. What kind of simile is that ? - A freudian slip? After so much professed respect for Jesus christ , I am sure we can come up with a better simile. I was even forbidden to hear any music which resonated with my soul (except the ISKCON music) and there also there were recommendations). My recommendation to anyone who wishes to follow any spiritual path is that choose a guru if you want to but don't be an exclusivist even if the guru asks you to be one. Each master has his own area of expertise and different gurus and authors may have different areas of expertise. See them as such. Don't believe in gurus who are mainly interested in debunking the other schools of thought. I feel that debunking the other teachers has nothing to do with spiritual enlightenment (and perhaps it reflects some kind of insecurity, lack of confidence in one's own school or inferiority/superiority complex. If at all you think you have a sound refutation , why not challenge somebody knowledgeable from other schools to an open debate -that would be more courageous act than repeatedly hammering in those refutations in one's own naive followers who any way accept you as a perfect authority).

It is not the "absolute truth" that will give you the peace but it will be "your truth" , the consistency between your beliefs and your actions that will give you the peace. Your beliefs need not be constant , and infact they will change with time. It is a trial and error process. You do something and see if it works out you continue and if it doesn't you leave it. This way you gradually develop more and more habits that work out to make you happier on your evolutionary journey. (" by the way this is also supported by vardhaman mahavira (Jain School) the philosophy being called anekantavada, : Many subjective and valid spiritual truths may be possible depending on the kind of sadhana one undertakes")

My purpose in writing this is not to hurt my teacher or any devotee but it is to "State my truth" and perhaps help some people who resonate with my kind of minds. (Though I don't want any correspondence with anyone in this matter)

One day I had been reading the journal of Satsvarupa Maharaj Gosvami who acknowledges that he fell from grace and infact after reading that my respect for him has rather increased. It gave me a lot of peace of mind. He doesn't pretend to be absolute (like many others in ISKCON would have me believe). This is simplicity and I believe that Satsvarupa Maharaja is some kind of an ideal for me. Not because he fell from grace but because he had the courage to write it in his open journal. That is the way of a peaceful warrior. One who is fighting one's base instincts and yet not claiming to be a high Godman.

I also like Romapada Svami for his website, reflections and instructions yet I have no desire to become a formal disciple (With all due respect and humility)- ( Nor am I qualified breaking the regulative principles except for the no meat eating)- I will perhaps never again in life be an official part of any organized religeon), yet I pray to God that I shall always remain a peaceful warrior - a stoic- against my own base intincts.

Om!


(P.S. www.gigapedia.org has a nice book about evolution and history of the hare krsna movement, it is a good read for any one desiring a realisitic and mature outlook on the movement the book is titled: Hare Krishna : post charismatic fate
you will have to register to download)

why i left hare krishna
why i left krsna consciousness
why i left iskcon